Step 5. Collection III

These secrets all came from 3 women. They sent me multiple secrets a day for two weeks, until the close of the project. I am so grateful that they participated!

I'm 21 years old, and I still love to watch family channel late at night and fall asleep to it on the couch

I don't know how to tell my room mate that I don't have feelings for her.

I started getting along with my mother much more when I stopped taking her seriously and started seeing her as a deeply faulted person.

I have seen the opening scenes from Kissing Jessica Stein more than 365 times. I watched it every night for more than a year to fall asleep when I was coming out in college.

I watch the water in the toilet bowl go down the drain

In public washrooms, I tear off the exposed toilet paper hanging out of the dispenser because I believe someone has touched it.

I have to have the water running when I am going to the bathroom, even when I'm at home, I can't have someone hear me.

I have to have the water running when I am going to the bathroom, even when I'm at home, I can't have someone hear me.

sometimes when I drive on a dead road, i pretend that I'm a race car driver and go super fast and make all the noises like a 5yr old child would

I am secretly glad that I get to stay home for a week with swine flu!

I was previously engaged and I still countdown the days to the wedding date we had set. Even though we are no longer together

I am sometimes happier staying home and playing RPG games online on a Saturday night than go out clubbing with friends

I feel in control of life, as long as I remember to put the garbage out.

for the first 18 years of my life, I was scared of my mother, physically and emotionally, and one day, I told her to just fuck off and get out of my life unless she accepted me as me. And I never felt happier than that day.

I've always hated my younger brother, he is 8 years younger, because my parents had money when he was born, so he got spoiled. and they didnt have money when i was a kid. further more, they are much more lax on him than they ever were and are to me. my mom got mad at me when i was 20 because i was drinking. (legal age is 19)

i cheated on her with him... but i won't admit it to either of them.

A year and a half after my ex and I broke up, I feel like I am only now starting to get over her because I stopped checking her facebook page.

i only feel bad about wrong things i've done if i get caught.

i have a boyfriend for the first time, and i secretly enjoy the "priviledges" that being in a heteronormative relationship gives me... it makes me feel like a bad queer!

i never fly to toronto on business, a businesswoman flies me to toronto for lonely nights.

I have no idea what I am going to do with my life after school, and it scares the shit out of me.

when i was still at sacred heart, a handsome young fellow paid me 500$ per month to massage my feet in my uniform

I started getting along with my mother much more when I stopped taking her seriously and started seeing her as a deeply faulted person.

I once masturbated a stranger at the AMC while skipping class to see a matinee by myself.

I want to have sex with the boy who sits behind me in class.
I do not pursue this because I worry it would ruin my "gay cred."

2008 is my year of regret. I don't know what 2009 is yet.

I want to be the best at everything. Including fucking.

This project was born out of my sex work fantasies.

I once had sex with three different people over a long weekend.

i hate wearing tights but i've only been able to reach orgasm with a woman when she tears through the nylon to get to me, anythng else is futile.

I can't remember the names of all the men I've slept with, but I remember the name of every single woman.

I just answered an ad to be a life coach and another to be a sex slave. Both prospects are equally exciting.

at a christmas party, i teased a colleague's husband with my foot while she was in the bathroom. he was hideous, but my colleague's a witch. i wanted to make her cry.

I miss being someone that a lot of people respected. And adored.

I stopped crying most of the time in May.
I stopped crying in movies in August.
Now I've stopped crying all together but it doesn't mean I'm not still hurting.
And as much as I despise her, I hate her too… and what she did, and what she turned me into.

She was my love.

Since I moved back to the city
I don't know who I am anymore,
I don't know what I want, I'm not even sure what I like.
I know I'm not the same person,
I'm not sure if I've evolved (I would like to believe so)
but I know I don't see things the same way.
I am jaded about relationships, love and sex.
I am careless with my carelessness.
It feels as if my passion for love will never return
(no matter how corny it sounds).
One day someone will earn my trust,
in the mean time I can only live the way my body and mind will let me.

Since moving to the city, I don't know who I am anymore. Most of the things I once wanted in life, I now suspect are impossible to obtain.

I am presently sleeping with two girls,
they both know this and are "okay" with it.

I have most definetly masturbated in the bathroom at work.

I know one has feelings for me and I told her that she could leave at any time and I would understand.
She left and came back two weeks later. We are still sleeping together. If I were me before my "evolution",
I would be in a serious, monogamous relationship with this person… but I can't. And I don't want to either.

I often don't invite them out because, according to me,
they are going to "cramp my style".
And the crazy thing is, I'm actually looking for a third.

I am presently sleeping with two girls,
they both know this and are "okay" with it.

I know one has feelings for me and I told her that she could leave at any time and I would understand.
She left and came back two weeks later. We are still sleeping together. If I were me before my "evolution",
I would be in a serious, monogamous relationship with this person… but I can't. And I don't want to either.

I have purposefully gotten people to fall in love with me
even though I knew it was impossible for me to ever love them

I have told people I loved them when I know I didn't mean it.

My desired traits in a lover are a clear indication that I am only trying to recreate the past

I want to be known for more than just the pain I have caused
and the pain I have suffered.

I used to be able to find distraction in cheap thrills, a one night stand, a new love. Now, the thought of those thing disgusts me. Besides that, no one has tried to touch. Not in months.

There is no distraction from myself. Not now.

I have been single for nearly 6 months. This is the longest I've been single since I was 15 years old. This is also the longest I've gone without having sex for just as long.

I used to be the "it girl." Since coming here, I am anonymous. I miss being somebody!

I used to watch the L word on my computer and pretend like I was watching it for the first time, when really, I was already enjoying my second dose.

have never had a one night stand with a woman. Every single time I try , it turns into a relationship. I used to think it was them, unable to stay away. Now I realize its me, using sex to get into relationships so that I don't have to be alone.

I often don't invite them out because, according to me,
they are going to "cramp my style".
And the crazy thing is, I'm actually looking for a third.