Most of us learn early on that love is a feeling. When we feel deeply drawn to someone, we cathect with them; that is, we invest feelings or emotion in them. That process of investment wherein a loved one becomes important to us is called "cathexis." In his book, Peck rightly emphasizes that most of us "confuse cathecting with loving." We all know how often individuals feeling connected to someone through the process of cathecting insist that they love the other person even if they are hurting or neglecting them. Since their feeling is that of cathexis, they insist what they feel is love.
When we understand love as the will to nurture our own and another's spiritual growth, it becomes clear we cannot claim to love if we are hurtful and abusive. Love and abuse cannot coexist.
This was posted to Craigslist Missed Connections in the Women 4 Women section on May 5, 2010.
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